I’m sitting in my office watching you sitting on the couch, taking notes as you tell me all about your zombie apocalypse relationship problems. Just please don’t kill me like Dave and Sarah kill their therapist. Or, at least not until I answer your question. This week’s question is from Bronwyn:
If a zombie ate my brain, how soon would be okay for my man to start dating someone else? And If I became a zombie but couldn’t be with him, you know, just in case I wanted to eat his brain (lolololol small thought it may be) would it be cheating for him to remarry?
Well, there are many schools of thought on this subject. Many therapists and financial advisors will tell you that after a traumatic or major event (death in the family, losing a job, having a baby), you shouldn’t make major decisions that you can avoid until at least a year after the event. The theory is that when you are highly emotional, it’s hard to make cool, calm and collected decisions. And you can even be taken in by someone who wants to manipulate you (cult leader, mercenary… tax attorney).
However, we’re talking ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE here Bronwyn. The rules no longer apply the way they did when it was just getting run over by a bus because you didn’t look both ways. Finding a good partner is sometimes key to survival. So in normal life, at least a year. In Post-Z… at least a day. I mean, a day is long enough to cry, notice that hot chick who is a crack shot with a glock and have one of them save the other’s life, which is a bonding experience. He’ll still remember you, of course. I’m sure he’ll totally use your untimely demise to get it on with his new girl (because every girl loves a broken man). And if the positions were reversed, well… you’d do it too.
Now the second part of your question is slightly more complicated. It’s more a question of legality than morality (see paragraph one). If you are zombified but still walking the earth, would this be bigomy? Are you legally severed from your property rights? Could you hire a, I don’t know, cave man lawyer or someone to take your claims to court as a zombie? Well, these are questions that are going to have to be discussed by judges and lawyers more well-versed in zombie law than I am.
Zombie Supreme Court anyone?
Have a post-zombie-apocalypse relationship question to “Ask Dr. Jesse?” Post here, on facebook or @jessepet at Twitter and I’ll throw you in the queue.