Ask Dr. Jesse Wednesday

Dr. Jesse is back after last week’s hiatus (had an emergency with a zombie… er, client). Today’s question is from Jean:

If my ex husband got turned into a zombie, would it be bad to keep him as a guard zombie for myself and my new husband?

This is an interesting question. Under “normal” circumstances I’d probably tell you that once a relationship is over it’s not fair to any party involved to continue to involve yourself in your former spouse’s life. It dangles the promise of reconciliation in his face, it creates a wedge in your new relationship and it only causes confusion and the potential for heartbreak.

But zombie spouses are not the “norm” by any stretch of the imagination. Zombie Bob (or whatever your dead spouse’s name is) is not Bob-Bob. He doesn’t remember the good old days. He can’t have his feelings hurt by seeing you move on. And he could come in very useful around the house doing odd jobs, assuming you have some way to control his killer instincts.

But just remember, YOU do remember the good times. So ask yourself, will you be able to look at Zombie Bob every day as he mows the lawn or takes out the trash and not long for what you once had? Will your new spouse view him as a valuable asset or a threat? And will you ever succumb to the troubling (and possibly illegal) desire to get physical with your zombie spouse?

Once you know the answers to these important questions, then you can decide if keeping your spouse as a zombie slave is the right decision for you. A tip: if you still want a zombie slave but can’t stand to see your spouse like this, try a trade with a friend or neighbor in the same situation. You won’t have to look at Zombie Bob, but you’ll still get the benefit of a zombie doing your home repairs.

Have a post-zombie-apocalypse relationship question to “Ask Dr. Jesse?” Post here, on facebook or @jessepet at Twitter and I’ll throw you in the queue.

  • Do you have a book called zombies all over the world